Life and Times of a 30-something: December 2011

And so it begins... the trepidation of being left to my own devices as an RN. As much as I thoroughly enjoyed the harrowing tales of RNs-past (extreme nausea on the way to work... the white-knuckled drive into the parking lot... the subtle loss of consciousness while looking at the patient's profile...) I was pleased to find that so far this has not been true for me. Thus far, being independent at work has been quite amazing. One wonderful aspect of nursing is that we are never all alone. The teamwork and camaraderie on the unit is absolutely fantastic and very supportive.

I am in the midst of moments where everything I have learned and worked for is now all coming together... the puzzle pieces are now forming to make a picture, and as I tilt my head and go, "Ah.... that's what it is supposed to be", I am feeling a great sense of warmth and well-being that I have finally made it to this "place". While I am new, I am not naive. I know there will be heartache, ego-breaking, and tears in the future (all of which, Peter is also well aware of)... it is all part of the package.

In these moments of comfort and confidence, there is still a restless part of me that is not completely satisfied. In the past, I have found this to be a good thing... a motivator. It is the feeling that has led me on many independent paths. I don't easily feel comfortable in stagnation. But I know I am at a place in my life where I should stop and enjoy the view for a while. I compare it to some grand hike up a gorgeous mountainside: there are peaks and valleys, the vast exquisite views come and go with each turn and climb, every once in a while there is a stray root or rock in the path that causes me to lose my footing and both curse and chuckle as I nearly nose dive into the dirt below, there are times when I want to sit in the shade under the tree and catch my breath, and other moments where I almost feel like I could run up the damn thing.

So here I am... at an expansive vista. It would be insolent and inappropriate not to pause here for a while; take some deep breaths, stretch, look around.

It has become calming for me to be here. To really be here. And with these acknowledgments... I am able to be more appreciative of everything else around me. This leads me to my 'gratitude montage' of things, people, and places I hold near and dear to me. (there is no: rhyme, reason, or order to it... for it is a montage)

Holidays....